Listen to internet radio with The Anti Socialite on BlogTalkRadio
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
EP 08 - Your big break? Or a SCAM? Find out here... 05/13 by The Anti Socialite | Blog Talk Radio
EP 08 - Your big break? Or a SCAM? Find out here... 05/13 by The Anti Socialite | Blog Talk Radio
Monday, May 13, 2013
This is the difference between a scam and legit ticket pre-sale
So a venue really wanted us to play a show with a HUGE PUNK BAND coming up and got us on the bill with a small amount of negotiation on their part, with the headlining band. Reasonable, since we are no one to them. Just another band with a name they forgot.
So since this is fucking (HUGE BAND I WONT NAME) playing, there are pre-sale tickets for $10.00 a pop available that I mentioned I have for sale.
If you know me, you know my stance on pay-to-play/pre-sale ticketing scams.
Anyway, so you probably are wondering how what I am doing is any different than the pre-sale ticketing I am so strongly against and probably think I'm a fucking hypocrite
I'm not.
The difference is this: WE GET TO KEEP 100% OF THE PROFIT ON THE TICKETS THEY GAVE US TO SELL.
Or, WE DON'T HAVE TO SELL THEM, WE CAN GIVE THEM AWAY FOR FREE
They just wanted us to have the tickets and know its gonna be a killer show.
The majority of ticket sales for this event came from THE VENUE SELLING THE TICKETS THEMSELVES AND DOING MODERATE BUT NOT CRAZY PROMOTION.
THE VENUE, I REPEAT, THE VENUE ITSELF, NOT A PROMOTER, NOT THE BANDS, THE VENUE SELLING THE TICKETS THEMSELVES, SOLD OUT TICKETS FOR THAT SHOW IN ONE WEEK.
You know why? Because everyone at the venue gives a shit and loves the bands they book. The book killer line ups with bands that compliment each other well and throw in new bands every now and then so these bands meet bands and fans that all have been friends for a long time and are having fun playing together.
These bands like the other bands playing and truly believe in those bands and respect them. These bands come early and stay late for the other bands BECAUSE THEY ENJOY SEEING THEM PLAY. Which means their fans will stick around because they see the bands hanging out and want to stay and chat with them.
Also, audiences seem to think us bands have super cool places we must scamper off to after we play. They think we follow up every show with a fabulous and secret after party with exclusively cool people and cool things go on there.
So if a band is sticking around to watch another band and not running off to their secret rock star after parties, then that speaks highly of the other bands they are sticking around for which makes that bands own fans very curious as to the cool band they are sticking around to see that is more interesting than cool rock star secret parties.
Do you see a theme here?
I think venues need to realize that the SECRET FORMULA to getting better numbers at the end of the night is this:
IF THE VENUE, (meaning everyone actively involved in running that business) MAYBE GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT WALK THROUGH THE DOOR AND INVESTED IN THEM BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE BAND OR THEIR CUSTOMERS, the band would want to play there, the customers would want to come and order drinks and tip well. The vibe would be lively and everyone would have a great time.
BOOK BANDS THE VENUE LOVES AND WANTS TO TALK ABOUT AND TELL THEIR FRIENDS TO COME SEE BECAUSE THE VENUE LOVES SEEING THAT BAND PLAY
PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS LIKE THE LINE UP AND IF THE BANDS FIT ON A BILL TOGETHER, THE GENRES MATCH THEIR CLIENTELE, like... just, you know... GIVE A SHIT
All of the above is why I believe the venue can sell out tickets and have a huge headlining band want to play there. They have a relationship. They aren't just booking bands. They are booking bands they love and are truly excited to have play there. They are constantly making improvements as well.
One day the had better mics, the next show they started mic-ing the drums, the last show they had a stage they had built that wasn't even painted yet, but you could see where they were going and making huge efforts to give the bands a better and better experience, even if they have to make it happen themselves. It looks like they actually built the stage. That is love right there.
They had a fantastic new logo and gave away tshirts to all the bands. I wear mine all the time and post photos of me wearing it on facebook.
You want to sell tickets and have good turnout? MUTUAL, GENUINE LOVE AND RESPECT FOR ONE ANOTHER IS THE TICKET (no pun intended) and you can't just buy and sell love like that, which is why the whole pre-sale ticket scam/model is failing, or succeeding really. The guy at the top of the pyramid, the "CEO" or whatever they claim to be, generally will rake in around $150,000.00 for a couple week jaunt around tow barely lifting a finger except spamming bands with form letters.
I played at the legit venue I love over the past weekend. The person who got me on the bill handed me a stack of tickets. "Here, use these to give away on your podcast, or sell them, or whatever.... "
The tickets were distributed to every band playing that show in healthy quantities and basically we could do whatever we wanted with them.
I intended to sell them but instead have been giving them away to well deserving folks that are REALLY into THE HUGE FUCKING BAND we are playing with. These people have also been a huge supporter and influence on my music from the beginning when everyone was still patting me on the head and remarking how cute it was that "I was trying" if not laughing in my face.
I really SHOULD be selling the tickets to recoup all the promotional efforts I've lost big time on, such as the disastrous turnout at the Famous Hollywood venue that I probably spent over $200 on online promotional campaigns alone, not to mention the pavement pounding and shit that was basically for nothing. We played with a band in a circle I am connected with and have been friends with the same group of people for a while.
Not a one fucking person from this group of our friends gave a shit enough to see us, except for one, but he doesn't count because he is not associated with this particular circle i am mentioning and we had a recent bonding moment in our friendship so we love each other and he doesn't count :)
But these other people who I've always considered friends and assumed mutual respect, came to see the last two bands on the bill but not our band. We are friends with a majority of those bands, and friends of the people that came later that night. I had thought since it was a big venue and obviously an important night they would have made a bit of a special effort to see us open at 8pm, which i would have done for any band I gave a shit about on a big night at a big venue who pretty much will exile you from the Hollywood scene if you didnt bring a decent group of people.
We brought six. Well, more like two since the other four had never heard of us and were just there. Well maybe it was three. I dunno. Its dark at that place. I don't like it. I like to see my audience and react and see them react.
Anyway that was a whole shit show of Hollywood bullshit.
But this is the difference between a successful venue and a venue that has to bully the bands with the ultimatum that, "IF YOU DON'T BRING 30 OR MORE PEOPLE, YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN KID"
See the distinction?
So since this is fucking (HUGE BAND I WONT NAME) playing, there are pre-sale tickets for $10.00 a pop available that I mentioned I have for sale.
If you know me, you know my stance on pay-to-play/pre-sale ticketing scams.
"You are a fucking moron if you are a band handing over cash you worked so hard to earn to a venue to play a crappy 20 minute set to your own fans, and you are hurting the whole economic system of being a musician at its very foundation."There is a lot more but I will get into this on an upcoming podcast.
Anyway, so you probably are wondering how what I am doing is any different than the pre-sale ticketing I am so strongly against and probably think I'm a fucking hypocrite
I'm not.
The difference is this: WE GET TO KEEP 100% OF THE PROFIT ON THE TICKETS THEY GAVE US TO SELL.
Or, WE DON'T HAVE TO SELL THEM, WE CAN GIVE THEM AWAY FOR FREE
They just wanted us to have the tickets and know its gonna be a killer show.
The majority of ticket sales for this event came from THE VENUE SELLING THE TICKETS THEMSELVES AND DOING MODERATE BUT NOT CRAZY PROMOTION.
THE VENUE, I REPEAT, THE VENUE ITSELF, NOT A PROMOTER, NOT THE BANDS, THE VENUE SELLING THE TICKETS THEMSELVES, SOLD OUT TICKETS FOR THAT SHOW IN ONE WEEK.
You know why? Because everyone at the venue gives a shit and loves the bands they book. The book killer line ups with bands that compliment each other well and throw in new bands every now and then so these bands meet bands and fans that all have been friends for a long time and are having fun playing together.
These bands like the other bands playing and truly believe in those bands and respect them. These bands come early and stay late for the other bands BECAUSE THEY ENJOY SEEING THEM PLAY. Which means their fans will stick around because they see the bands hanging out and want to stay and chat with them.
Also, audiences seem to think us bands have super cool places we must scamper off to after we play. They think we follow up every show with a fabulous and secret after party with exclusively cool people and cool things go on there.
So if a band is sticking around to watch another band and not running off to their secret rock star after parties, then that speaks highly of the other bands they are sticking around for which makes that bands own fans very curious as to the cool band they are sticking around to see that is more interesting than cool rock star secret parties.
Do you see a theme here?
I think venues need to realize that the SECRET FORMULA to getting better numbers at the end of the night is this:
IF THE VENUE, (meaning everyone actively involved in running that business) MAYBE GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THE PEOPLE THAT WALK THROUGH THE DOOR AND INVESTED IN THEM BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE BAND OR THEIR CUSTOMERS, the band would want to play there, the customers would want to come and order drinks and tip well. The vibe would be lively and everyone would have a great time.
BOOK BANDS THE VENUE LOVES AND WANTS TO TALK ABOUT AND TELL THEIR FRIENDS TO COME SEE BECAUSE THE VENUE LOVES SEEING THAT BAND PLAY
PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS LIKE THE LINE UP AND IF THE BANDS FIT ON A BILL TOGETHER, THE GENRES MATCH THEIR CLIENTELE, like... just, you know... GIVE A SHIT
All of the above is why I believe the venue can sell out tickets and have a huge headlining band want to play there. They have a relationship. They aren't just booking bands. They are booking bands they love and are truly excited to have play there. They are constantly making improvements as well.
One day the had better mics, the next show they started mic-ing the drums, the last show they had a stage they had built that wasn't even painted yet, but you could see where they were going and making huge efforts to give the bands a better and better experience, even if they have to make it happen themselves. It looks like they actually built the stage. That is love right there.
They had a fantastic new logo and gave away tshirts to all the bands. I wear mine all the time and post photos of me wearing it on facebook.
You want to sell tickets and have good turnout? MUTUAL, GENUINE LOVE AND RESPECT FOR ONE ANOTHER IS THE TICKET (no pun intended) and you can't just buy and sell love like that, which is why the whole pre-sale ticket scam/model is failing, or succeeding really. The guy at the top of the pyramid, the "CEO" or whatever they claim to be, generally will rake in around $150,000.00 for a couple week jaunt around tow barely lifting a finger except spamming bands with form letters.
I played at the legit venue I love over the past weekend. The person who got me on the bill handed me a stack of tickets. "Here, use these to give away on your podcast, or sell them, or whatever.... "
The tickets were distributed to every band playing that show in healthy quantities and basically we could do whatever we wanted with them.
I intended to sell them but instead have been giving them away to well deserving folks that are REALLY into THE HUGE FUCKING BAND we are playing with. These people have also been a huge supporter and influence on my music from the beginning when everyone was still patting me on the head and remarking how cute it was that "I was trying" if not laughing in my face.
I really SHOULD be selling the tickets to recoup all the promotional efforts I've lost big time on, such as the disastrous turnout at the Famous Hollywood venue that I probably spent over $200 on online promotional campaigns alone, not to mention the pavement pounding and shit that was basically for nothing. We played with a band in a circle I am connected with and have been friends with the same group of people for a while.
Not a one fucking person from this group of our friends gave a shit enough to see us, except for one, but he doesn't count because he is not associated with this particular circle i am mentioning and we had a recent bonding moment in our friendship so we love each other and he doesn't count :)
But these other people who I've always considered friends and assumed mutual respect, came to see the last two bands on the bill but not our band. We are friends with a majority of those bands, and friends of the people that came later that night. I had thought since it was a big venue and obviously an important night they would have made a bit of a special effort to see us open at 8pm, which i would have done for any band I gave a shit about on a big night at a big venue who pretty much will exile you from the Hollywood scene if you didnt bring a decent group of people.
We brought six. Well, more like two since the other four had never heard of us and were just there. Well maybe it was three. I dunno. Its dark at that place. I don't like it. I like to see my audience and react and see them react.
Anyway that was a whole shit show of Hollywood bullshit.
But this is the difference between a successful venue and a venue that has to bully the bands with the ultimatum that, "IF YOU DON'T BRING 30 OR MORE PEOPLE, YOU'LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN KID"
See the distinction?
Monday, April 29, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Hugh Asnen Talks Hi-Z's and Music Industry Gender Biases 04/05 by The Anti Socialite | Blog Talk Radio
Hugh Asnen Talks Hi-Z's and Music Industry Gender Biases 04/05 by The Anti Socialite | Blog Talk Radio
In Episode # 2 I interview Hugh Brian Asnen of The Hi-Z's. You
might recognize Hugh from the LA music scene as the guy who looks like;
Hyde from "That 70's Show," Disco Stu, Wolverine, or my personal
moniker for him, Kramer...We will discuss what's new with his band The Hi-Z's, his personal disdain for the term "Punk Rock" and the genre in its entirety, and his groundbreaking documentary about gender biases in the music industry.
Download The Hi-Z's Music Here:
http://thehi-zs.bandcamp.com/album/rock-n-rollgasm
Weekly Features:
- Shows to see this week
- Theadora's Rant : The social pitfalls of being a female musician
- Awesome Movies I've Seen This Week: Excision (2012) Directed by Richard Bates Jr.
- This Weeks Birthdays
- Music News and Shout Outs
This week's episode will include music from the following local artists:
- The Meeting Song (Intro) - The Theadora Kelly Project
- Drawing On Everything - The Rejects
- That Dude's Haircut: The Hi-Z's
- Hit The Wall - The Hi-Z's
- The Birthday Song - NOFX
- and more TBD
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Anti-Social Commentary with Theadora Kelly every Friday at 3:00 pm
Anti-Social Commentary
Fridays at 3:00 PM (PST)
Streams Live Right Here
The Good, The Bad and some podcasts...
So this week The Theadora Kelly Project has received three reviews appeared on a podcast and started a podcast debut.
Two out of three reviews pretty much said I sucked, but my guitarist is the most eloquently skilled musician on planet earth. Reading way too much into things is second nature. I read it, but keep stopping myself from trying to read between the lines.
Victor, my drummer pointed out that these reviewers are not necessarily knowledgeable about music, nor are they journalists. They just have a blog and write about their friends bands and don't understand what an unbiased opinion means in journalism and writing.
I suppose blogs aren't journalism. That is the beauty of it I suppose. Its like monkeys typing on a typewriter, except we hold this monkey-muck as gospel and forget that bloggers are just lame people with nothing better to do during their evening but write about shit.
That's exactly what I am doing now. In lieu of a hot date, I decided to review my reviews. Well, that's for another blog, in which I WILL indeed review my reviewers reviews, that should be fun.'
For now, I wanted to pat myself on the back and direct your attention to the first review The Theadora Kelly Project has ever received by someone who GETS it. Someone who KNOWS MUSIC and has journalistic integrity (for a blogger) but I may be biased and just assume anyone who likes the band has journalistic integrity.'
So please direct your attention to Altered Frequencies a blog by Rick Ecker who is is indeed the real deal music reviewer. Man, I went back to find this article. Less that 24 hours since it was posted and had to go back through older posts to find my review. Rick is busy. Writing reviews. He is the real deal. There are probably ten more reviews he's written since yesterday each accompanied by the album cover and a full page worth of text in a format consistent throughout the blog. It is a simple wordpress blog, however it is very concise and clear and CONSISTENT throughout. When it comes to blogs, simple and consistent is a joy. I think I should follow my own advice and take a more minimalistic approach to my blog. I don't know why it defaults as the dreaded "Comic Sans" before it refreshes and changes to the funky non-soccor mom's newsletter looking texts that I so carefully spent three hours choosing one night.
Arial is my friend. This blog could use consistency and simplistic formatting.
Go check out Altered Frequencies for music reviews of punk and other cool shit by an actual music reviewer Click here:.Altered Frequencies Blog By Rick Ecker
And here is our amazing review tby Rick that really just made my whole week. I want to tear the screen off my laptop and tack this on my wall. But that would be stupid: http://alteredfrequencies.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/the-theadora-kelly-project-indie-hipster-kid-cd/
Two out of three reviews pretty much said I sucked, but my guitarist is the most eloquently skilled musician on planet earth. Reading way too much into things is second nature. I read it, but keep stopping myself from trying to read between the lines.
Victor, my drummer pointed out that these reviewers are not necessarily knowledgeable about music, nor are they journalists. They just have a blog and write about their friends bands and don't understand what an unbiased opinion means in journalism and writing.
I suppose blogs aren't journalism. That is the beauty of it I suppose. Its like monkeys typing on a typewriter, except we hold this monkey-muck as gospel and forget that bloggers are just lame people with nothing better to do during their evening but write about shit.
That's exactly what I am doing now. In lieu of a hot date, I decided to review my reviews. Well, that's for another blog, in which I WILL indeed review my reviewers reviews, that should be fun.'
For now, I wanted to pat myself on the back and direct your attention to the first review The Theadora Kelly Project has ever received by someone who GETS it. Someone who KNOWS MUSIC and has journalistic integrity (for a blogger) but I may be biased and just assume anyone who likes the band has journalistic integrity.'
So please direct your attention to Altered Frequencies a blog by Rick Ecker who is is indeed the real deal music reviewer. Man, I went back to find this article. Less that 24 hours since it was posted and had to go back through older posts to find my review. Rick is busy. Writing reviews. He is the real deal. There are probably ten more reviews he's written since yesterday each accompanied by the album cover and a full page worth of text in a format consistent throughout the blog. It is a simple wordpress blog, however it is very concise and clear and CONSISTENT throughout. When it comes to blogs, simple and consistent is a joy. I think I should follow my own advice and take a more minimalistic approach to my blog. I don't know why it defaults as the dreaded "Comic Sans" before it refreshes and changes to the funky non-soccor mom's newsletter looking texts that I so carefully spent three hours choosing one night.
Arial is my friend. This blog could use consistency and simplistic formatting.
Go check out Altered Frequencies for music reviews of punk and other cool shit by an actual music reviewer Click here:.Altered Frequencies Blog By Rick Ecker
And here is our amazing review tby Rick that really just made my whole week. I want to tear the screen off my laptop and tack this on my wall. But that would be stupid: http://alteredfrequencies.wordpress.com/2013/03/26/the-theadora-kelly-project-indie-hipster-kid-cd/
Monday, March 25, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Pasadena's Late Great Punker Palace
This truly fascinating article details the rise and fall of the (late) Raymond Theatre, which is right around the corner from The Old Towne Pub.
Wendy O Williams blew up a car on the stage of the late "Punker Palace" right here in Pasadena http://hometown-pasadena.com/history/remembering-pasadena%E2%80%99s-palace-of-rock/11578http://hometown-pasadena.com/history/remembering-pasadena%E2%80%99s-palace-of-rock/11578
This amazing article details the history of the music scene in Pasadena, that grew from legendary bands performing at the Raymond Theatre. Everyone from Motley Crue to Oingo Boingo to Bruce Springsteen had graced this stage.
This venue gained popularity and Goldenvoice took over promotions, drawing in bands such as The Cramps and Black Flag. The Theatre was featured in movies such as Spinal Tap and The Decline of Western Civilization 2.
This article really resonated with me as it reflects something similar to what we hope will be the future of our Electric Circus Parties. It is why Ron King, Justine, Victor, Josh Casper, Nubs, and all the bands involved are getting together in a backyard to make great fucking music together...
This article really illustrates how a music scene can start out of nowhere and spread like wildfire, polluting the community and causing an uproar.
At this stage it is no longer a "scene" but a movement. Once it becomes too powerful a force to stop, it then becomes a revolution.
Our Electric Circus Parties are a spark. Together, let's fan the flames of revolution...
Wendy O Williams blew up a car on the stage of the late "Punker Palace" right here in Pasadena http://hometown-pasadena.com/history/remembering-pasadena%E2%80%99s-palace-of-rock/11578http://hometown-pasadena.com/history/remembering-pasadena%E2%80%99s-palace-of-rock/11578
This amazing article details the history of the music scene in Pasadena, that grew from legendary bands performing at the Raymond Theatre. Everyone from Motley Crue to Oingo Boingo to Bruce Springsteen had graced this stage.
This venue gained popularity and Goldenvoice took over promotions, drawing in bands such as The Cramps and Black Flag. The Theatre was featured in movies such as Spinal Tap and The Decline of Western Civilization 2.
This article really resonated with me as it reflects something similar to what we hope will be the future of our Electric Circus Parties. It is why Ron King, Justine, Victor, Josh Casper, Nubs, and all the bands involved are getting together in a backyard to make great fucking music together...
This article really illustrates how a music scene can start out of nowhere and spread like wildfire, polluting the community and causing an uproar.
At this stage it is no longer a "scene" but a movement. Once it becomes too powerful a force to stop, it then becomes a revolution.
Our Electric Circus Parties are a spark. Together, let's fan the flames of revolution...
Saturday, February 9, 2013
BAD ASS BITCH NIGHT Feb 15th at The Nugget
Join Here: https://www.facebook.com/events/148242355333214/
Friday, February 15, 2013 8:00pm until 2:00am
PUNK ROCK & ROLL SHOW
21+
8PM
THE DIRTY
https://www.facebook.com/TheDirtySoCal
SISTER OOK
https://www.facebook.com/sisterook1
THE THEADORA KELLY PROJECT
https://www.facebook.com/TheTKProject
I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES
https://www.facebook.com/IStillHaveNightmares
Friday, December 21, 2012
To my mentor
To my mentor
It just dawned on me what a powerful and influential person
you are. Never before have I shook someone’s hand and the next thing I know, my
entire existence is flipped upsidedown. I am an entirely different person.
I
just realized that I met you and poof, here I am, transformed into this person
I am today. There is not a scrap left of the person I used to be. That I used
to know, the person who I forget from time to time that I am not anymore.
No one ever has had that ability to completely transform and
shape my entire existence. Believe me, people have tried. You know me well
enough by now to know that I am stubborn as hell and do not take kindly to
anyone changing who I am. Directly or indirectly, I am steadfast in being
THEADORA and good luck trying to change my mind about ANY goddamned thing.
Yet, here I am. My entire life took a completely different trajectory
that day you sat me down and we discussed how you "saw something in
me" and I don't think any of us on that day truly understood where things
would lead, but you took me under your wing, and my life ricochet off some hard
cosmic surface and veered into life as I know it today.
It’s pretty un-fucking-believable.
I sit here, pondering
this fact and am completely dumbfounded about the person I have become, my life
entrenched in these murky waters of promise. I think that you should give
yourself a pat on the back my friend, for Theadora is always suspicious, always
stubborn and never dives right in head first because of things people tell her.
EVER. Theadora always questions authority, looks at both sides of the coin and
takes everything someone tells her with a grain of salt.
However, for whatever reason, when it came to you as mentor
and me as your grasshopper, I never once questioned you or pondered whether you
were just blowing smoke up my ass or whatever. I always held your truths as
gospel. I always listened to what you said with the utmost crystal clarity of
listening, hearing... understanding.
Every word you said I ingrained into my mind, to ponder,
expand upon and explore in my own learning’s of what you were teaching me.
I got laid off. I decided to take a risk and embrace poverty
to dive head first in to a music career and see where it led me. I took this
risk because for the first time ever in my life, someone believed in me.
I have never had anyone truly believe in me. I always had
wanted to be the best at everything in life. And for a time, when I was
younger, I was the best. As I got older, the best won’t flourish if no one
believes in you.
I grew accustomed to being almost the best, then above
average, and then as the naysaying of those whose opinions I valued most in
life grew, I became average at almost everything.
I found things to excel at, and for a time I did, until the
parents took the wind out of that sail, whatever it was, they would say it was
silly, laugh in my face. Until dejected and ridiculed, I would give up whatever
ambitious endeavor I had been pursuing.
With music it was always a bit different. When I first
started, they didn’t ridicule as much, I don’t think they knew quite what to
make of it. It was bad. So bad in fact I don’t think they ever thought I would
take music seriously, which is why they never felt the need to crush my silly
little dream. Such as being an actress or an artist.
I had just started; they didn’t think I could take anything
I was so bad at that seriously I think.
Then we met. Reflected in your eyes we saw the same truths.
I knew my potential, you seemed to see it. You embraced my rough edges like a
precious gem and over time, chipped away at the petrified layers until just a
little gleam of beauty shone through.
Chipping away, little by little, coaxing
out the brilliant gleam within.
You believed in me, when no one else did, you saw something
in me just under the surface that I knew without a doubt was within.
And here we are. I am not a dirty old rock, I am a gemstone.
I am still rough around the edges. I haven’t yet been polished or chiseled to
perfection by a master jeweler, taking great care to carve each facet in the
right place, so my optimal brilliance can shine so brightly.
Yet, these things take time. Carving each surface to
perfection is still many years away. I am happy being a little gemstone in its
raw form. I am glad just to have the dirt off me enough so that I can be known
as a gemstone and not a dirty old rock.
Now that I have been dusted off, and what has been hiding
under the surface has been revealed, everyone now sees me as a gemstone.
Nevermind the facets. Everyone knows such things take time. Everyone knows that
one day I will gleam as brilliant as the sun, and radiate an aura of millions
of bright refracted points of light. I am just glad to be recognized as a
gemstone and not a dirty old rock.
And that’s what you have done for me. You took me under your wing, polished me to reveal my truths.
I always feel I may have deep seated abandonment issues that
are triggered by stress and fear. That I think is why I freak out irrationally
from time to time.
Especially with you. For you have adopted me whether you
wanted to or not. You have adopted me and nurtured me halfway. The thought of
me, the gemstone being tossed aside and back into the dirt before I can fulfill
my true place in the world makes me panic. I react to this panic irrationally.
I fear being returned back to the dirt, before I am polished and artfully chiseled
into a true specimen of a gemstone. I fear that I will not make it back out of
the dirt alone. Because on my own, I will not be able to find the path back to
achieving my place as a brightly faceted thing of beauty. Alone, I fear I will
disappear back into the dirt and never achieve my true destiny.
You have changed the trajectory of my life, I cannot achieve
what I need to without your guidance. So please help me achieve the brilliance
that is my true potential. I cannot get there without you :)
Friday, December 14, 2012
I am failing at OKcupid
I am FAILING so hard at OKcupid that I gave up on the men
entirely and started browsing the women. It occurred to me just how sad this
is, and felt I should immediately blog about it.
I assure you that I am NOT turning lesbian or anything. No,
I wanted to see what the female population at large was up to. I expected to
find these flawless GOREGEOUS and EFFORTLESS looking women, with eloquent
profiles with just the right amounts of strength and vulnerability. That way I
could justify my lack of success on this dating site with the fact that I just
might not be girlfriend material.
I would see all these superior examples of well-adjusted,
beautiful women and say, “well that explains it. I just can’t compete with all
the perfect wonderful women out there.”
I used to think that men definitely have it easy with the
internet dating thing.
Just slop together something like:
“I don’t know how to fill out profiles lol”
Upload a headless pic of abs and presto!
Instant non-committal sex.
This is what I am assuming a majority of these men are
looking for, judging by all the FWB prepositions ive received thus far.
Which is absolutely not what I am looking for. Not looking
for an instant relationship by any means. I am looking for a REAL and HUMAN
connection with someone special.
One that can develop from a little seed over the years and
is nurtured into something sturdy and real eventually.
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Monday, December 3, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Existentializing My Online Dating Profile
I just deleted the following from my OKcupid profile.
It seems like the more I put on there the less action I am getting. Not that I am getting any real "action."
I have only dated one really awesome guy from there, but let's just say it wasn't going to work for me the way things were, so I thought it best to quit while I was ahead.
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